~WhIrLWinD~

Sometimes Life could take a sudden turn...

I was reading my entries on this blog exactly the same time last year and I can't help but be amazed at how fast things changed. After almost a year, a lot has happened that changed me and the Life that I live. And yes, it only took one decision, one "yes" to Life and things started to swirl and whoop and skid and slide around me...

It took a lot of time before I was able to sit down and think...and breathe...and feel what has happened for the past few months. Because all I ever did was to adjust and re-adjust in order to fit into my brand new life.

What I've learned:

1. Everything is a decision but sometimes Life leads us to certain choices that no matter how much we wanted to refuse we just can't. So, we give in...and then, nothing will ever be the same again. Destiny is a choice but sometimes you're destined to choose your destiny.

2. Once we've made our choice we will always be tempted by the thought of those things that we did not choose and missed. And the "what ifs" will start to bug us like hell until the joy of the present moment disappears. But thanks to a wise friend who told me to NEVER LOOK BACK and to know that what I have right now is the "dream" that I had before...and it's a blessing to see your dreams come true...and I SHOULD be thankful no matter what. We will always lose something when we choose something but we're always choosing according to what we need in a particular moment...maybe in another lifetime we will be able to choose the other life.

3. "And they live happily ever after..." is not just a 6-word sentence but a whole bunch of different chapters...and Part 2...and Part 3 that make up a beautiful story. It means living with the frog that pretends to be a prince and loving 'Beauty' even if she's acting like a 'beast' and accepting the fact that the witches and trolls are part of the grand scheme of things to make Life more interesting...and sometimes, irritating.

4.  Over-analyzing things will only paralyze us. It will rob us of those precious moments...those moments when the "universe is conspiring"...those times when everything is possible...ah...the "magic moment". The future is always changing, we can never be certain of what will happen tomorrow, we can only assume...and believe...and hope that things will go according to plan...and then, we plunge in.

5. Human relationship is always complicated...it will make us happy...it will make us sad...and angry...and depress...and lonely...and a whole bunch of things. Maybe that's one of the reasons why relationships are sacred...because it makes us "feel" our emotions. It makes us look into our hearts and see our strengths and weaknesses...it makes us feel more HUMAN.

6. It's best NOT to try hard to change other people but to continue to strive to change one's self for the better. We will always have different ways of doing things, of saying things, of living life...but it doesn't necessarily mean that one's way is better than the other...sometimes that's just how things are. So many factors affect who we are right now and to continue to focus on the  'bad' things is a waste of time and energy. In the end what will only matter is whether we are happy with who we are and what we do.

7. Strive to be happy in order NOT to make other people sad. Happiness is a choice. If we depend our happiness on other people we will always be disappointed and we will make those people that we depend on feeling exhausted and sad. Nobody can ever make us happy if we don't choose to be happy. Choose happy thoughts, choose positive things...avoid negative people that suck up the good energy, let them drown in their misery, life is too good to be treated negatively.

8. Some prayers remained unanswered because God is answering another person's prayer.

9. Some relationships end because their destined to end. Sometimes no matter how hard we try to save a relationship we just can't. Sometimes no matter how good a person we are or our partner our relationship will still come to bitter end. There's no sense blaming and hating...because sometimes when things are not meant to be, no matter how hard you try, it will never be.

10. Lastly, let us love the people who love us and forget those who did not. Sometimes we will meet those people whom, by some streak of fate we will love but unfortunately, sometimes they just won't love us in return...or the situation won't allow us to be together...or the timing is bad...then, we should let go and move on...of course on rare occasions, they do come back, and when they did...whirlwind!

********

Dear Baby,

12 years...such a long time. A lot of things have happened in between...we've moved on (although, meron pa yatang di nakaka-move on!  ) and lived our own life. But fate has another plan for us and no matter how much I wanted to choose a different path it just keeps on leading me to you.

There was a time when I was praying for another life. But I guess, masmalakas ka kay God. We might be praying at the same time and I was feeling sad because it seems that my prayers remained unanswered. The thing that I'm praying for keeps on slipping away...maybe, my prayers were not granted to give way to your prayers...to grant yours, to give you another chance.

I often wake up to the sound of your whispers...telling me how much you love me and how thankful you are for having me around. Sometimes, I pretend to be sleeping...often I joke around. (feelingera! ) But I remember those times when I was younger, I used to whisper in the winds to tell you how much I love you and how I wish that you'll love me too...siguro naligaw yung hangin na binulungan ko, ngayon lang nakarating sa'yo...I'm happy...I'm thankful...coz one time in my life, when I was young and innocent (may stage na ganito!) I dreamed that you will love me in the same way that I love you. There was a time when I gave up on that dream...there was a time when I never even dreamed of such thing anymore but I'm glad that the universe remembered...that you remembered...that my dream came true...kahit medyo matagal!

It was such a long battle...and now that we're together I know that we still have a lot of things to overcome. But the good news is, we're together now...you, me and God...I know that everything will be easier.

To my God,

Thank You for another chance to love...

Thank you for always hearing my prayers and answering on the right time,

Sometimes, I get to be impatient, I'm sorry.

The art of waiting...I know now.

And to my husband,

You were the first person that I love,

And you will be the last...

Thank you for taking care of me, and loving me in your own sweet way.

I love you.

6/5/2011



Past # 3

Sometimes thoughts of you could still make me sad.

It has been over a year...I should be over you. Well, I think I am. But sometimes I still miss your company...your friendship. I miss the talks after work...the "good nights" and the "good mornings"...and of course the "I love yous".

I've already cried a lot...enough to save the country from the water crisis. Okay, I'm trying to make myself laugh. But I haven't laughed a long time. It feels strange.

There were nights when I'd stay awake till the wee hours of the morning and cry...I don't know anymore what I'm crying about. There's just this huge hole inside of me...it seemed that I've lost a certain part of me and I'm mourning for that lost part...the happier me.

Sometimes quitting is the better option...than trying to turn the whole world upside down just to go back to where we were before. We've had our chance...we've learned from it...and now I guess, our paths have separated for good.

There was a time when I thought the world was too small...coz after all those years we've found each other again...and the world got smaller and smaller as we got closer.

I remember those times when I felt so happy and grateful for having you in my life and I'd thank God for you...and I'd pray that you be the one coz I no longer remember how it was before you. Now, I remember...and I also realized how big the world is...its too big for us...and the chances of us bumping into each other is...nil.

Relationships are meant to show us parts of ourselves that we might not be aware of...it's meant to make us into a better person. But right now, I dont feel better...it feels like I've fallen into a hole which is so dark and cold and lonely and it brings out the worst in me.

I used to be happy. I used to be positive. I used to be loving. I used to trust the goodness of the Universe.

Quitting is the better option.

I felt bad about making you unhappy. I really do. I'm sorry.

You were once a dream that I lovingly held inside my heart...but just like everything else in this world, dreams do end too...but I still got the memories of the good times and I still thank God for the good ones.

Goodbye...wishing you love and happiness...always.

~vava

I saw an old version of you today...I don't know, I was having coffee and then suddenly this old couple arrived and took the vacant table in front of me. When I saw the old man I just thought that he looks just like you, although, he's much, much older...and well, much much sadder.

They were very old, they moved and talked slowly. Its as if everything about them is in a slow motion. I was trying to look at the face of the old woman, wondering if she resembles me...I don't know, I just have this funny feeling that I'm actually seeing your future.

After they ate and talked they stood up and went separately outside...slowly ofcourse. Finally, I saw the face of the old woman...nope she doesn't look like me.

Maybe that's the reason why you're old version looked unhappy...because your future is NOT me...(Feelingera lang! )

***

TRIXIE:

Trixie went home with an open wound on her face today...she was in a fight. Later tonight, I heard a noise outside and she was in a fight again. My brother broke the fight, Trix was lying all wet in the mud. I tried desperately to clean her, she's in shock and was shaking all over.

Oh, I hate those stray cats, I dont know why they hate Trixie so much! Trix is even kind enough to share her food with them but they hate her...maybe because she looks different.

Now, she's sleeping outside my room...looking pitiful.

Hay...yeah, Trixie is my pet kitty cat cat!

~kawawa~

                                                                              ~cant climb down from the windowsill...pacute na lang.~

Dear Someone,

I was wondering how you could just do that...leave without looking back and return as if nothing happened. Well, I'm tired of this game. I don't want to be a part of it.

There was a time when "happy ending" was like a dream that I longed to have...but that was a very long time ago, when I still have the patience to accept the pain...the humiliation. I've already learned that some stories just don't end happily...they just end and the characters move on to create another story...well, I've moved on.

I never hated you because I've learned a lot from what we had. I will always be grateful for those times that you were so patient with me. I admire you for that coz I never had the same tolerance...the same patience. I always tend to give up when things get difficult.

I used to dream about this situation...you coming back, me accepting you with open arms and we living a happy life. But I guess, even dreams expire. It took you so long to realize who I am to you. I've already given up the dream.

I used to love you so much. You were like a fire that burns inside of me...the mere thought of you would keep me warm and safe. But everything was shattered because of betrayal...of lies. It's funny when I think about it now, because during those times, I thought I would die of sadness...of misery. But I never did, I lived and I loved again.

I don't know why we had to meet again. I don't know why you always come around when I'm weak and vulnerable. But I never want to think that we're really meant to be...because I think I deserve more.

I pray that everything goes well with you. I always include you in my prayers, that you will be happy and loved. We all deserve to be happy. We all deserve to be loved the way we wanted to be loved. Maybe someday it will all happen...and yes, today, that's my dream...

Namaste.

~your baby angel

Again, again, again!

I have a feeling that things are starting all over again.

How many times do I have to go through the same situation?  How many times do I have to meet the same people...to talk about the same things...to expect me to feel the same way?

Well, I don't feel the same way. There's nothing left anymore.

Sometimes, life teases us...but I don't feel like playing anymore.

Somewhere along the way, I lost that childlike attitude of looking at things in a fun way. I got so serious and reserve. I got so careful and aloof. Maybe because once in my life, I played with life...but I got burned and I still could see the marks...I still remember the pain and sometimes when it's cold, it still throbs, like an open wound and I still cry.

I still don't understand why things have to happen again and again. And sometimes, I don't even want to understand, I just want to let go and move on...

Today is transition day...getting out of the old...moving on to the new. And yes, I'm choosing to move on...